The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

"Well we all have a face, that we hide away forever. And we take them out and show ourselves when everyone has gone," - Billy Joel, The Stranger

I am a perfectionist. If something doesn't look right to me, I have to change it or it bugs me. It eats at me, until I make it perfect. One of the toughest things I can do is purposely make mistakes. Making mistakes means you are letting someone down. Maybe a teacher, classmate, friend, family member, or even yourself. And the one thing I hate to do is disappoint people. So, I try to be what they want. I try to be perfect.

I know you can't be perfect and not everyone will like you, even if you try your hardest. I know. But I can't help it. I can't let someone see my weak point. Showing someone my weak point is showing them were to hurt me when I'm vulnerable. And that just not good.

And I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to be crazy and daring. I want to do things because I want to do them. I don't want to care about what other people will think. I just want to do something and feel bad about it later.

I have a face that I show everyone. It's the calm and collective face. It's like if I show people that I'm okay, everything is okay. But I'm not okay. There are times I want to scream bloody murder and there are times I just want to hide under my covers. There are times when I feel like a totally dork and I wonder if anyone knows that I keep talking because I don't know what they want to hear. I'm sick of it. This is one of those moments that I want to scream bloody murder! Right now. I want to scream because I want to.

But my mask. For now, I'll take it off and show who I am. Below are pictures that we had to take for the Whitman class. I don't care if you like them. I think there are cool, so here they are, whether you like them or not.

The window shot.

I hate my nose. I think it looks so bad from the side.

My "mug" shot.

My hand shot

My hiden shot

And finally, the bathroom shot. This was actually really funny, since women kept on coming in. They gave Julie and me some funny looks. One even said, "I'm not going to ask" LOL