The Freaky Side of Me

"To going against the grain, going insane, going mad" - Anthony Rapp, Rent

I have been raised with a Catholic school education all my life (and I'm Lutheran. Go figure) so I was never raised to express my "freaky" side. I was always told there is one way to do something, and it's this way. I have been able to express myself through art, but I was always told there are restrictions. You can't go too far. Someone will always say something, and not in a good way.

But a couple of years ago, I took a leap. I started writing fanfiction for the show The West Wing. I even posted it on the interent. I was fourteen when I started, and people wrote to me and told me how my writing was beautiful and that I got the character's voices down pat. To say I was thrilled is a understatment. I'm still writing, since I always get very proud of my work. I might even have another blog just for my stories. Hmmm. Something to think about.

Now, what makes me freaky? That's hard to answer, since I don't usually like to say how I'm different. I'm so used to trying to blend in, I forgot how to stand out. I'm so scared that people will laugh and make fun (it's happened before). I don't want to go through that. I can't stand when people laugh at me, not with me. But in this course, I have to ignore them. I also have to ignore that little voice in my head that says "People won't like this. Who are you trying to fool?"

So what makes me a freak? Well, there is the fact that I can read a book in less than a day (my friends were always amazed by that). Some people would say I'm a freak since I always do my work (it's true. In high school, people thought I was a genius. I just did my work and paid attention. Not the hardest thing in the world to do).

Also I love to reenact scenes from movies and television shows. Ever since I was a little girl, I would watch a movie over and over again, and then play out the scene in my living room. I would remember what the characters said and then say them the same exact way. I still do that today. I don't, necessarily, play it out in my living room (I prefer my bedroom. Much more private) but I can resite scenes from television shows. Scenes from The West Wing? Yep. I also can tell you what episode they said a certain line and sometimes what act what it was in.

Like, for instance, one of my favorite quotes is when my favorite character, Josh, said to a Senator, "Senator, why don't you take the legislative agenda and shove it up your ass?" I can tell you, without looking it up, that that line was in Season 1, episode Mandatory Minimums, teaser.

I'm pretty sure that I have a photographic memory. Not unusual, but I remember the weirdest things. Like, today, Mike was wearing a purple shirt with tan pants. The computer teacher was wearing a flowered skirt and sandles. I remember what I wore when I saw Wicked eight months ago. I can remember the shoe size of an actor that I no longer like (don't ask me how I know his shoe size). It also comes in handy, since I can also remember people's names and faces. By next week, I should have everyone's name down.

I don't know if what I consider weird really is weird. But many people have told me that knowing every scene from The West Wing is just not normal (but it's a really good show!). I think the reason I can recite movies and television shows is because I secretly want to become an actress. I love performing; I love that thrill of excitment you get right before you perform. I enjoy speaking in front of people. I love making people laugh. My secret wish is to perform on stage, somewhere.

Here's to hoping that dreams come true.