Belly of the Beast

"And my scars remind me that the past is real" - Papa Roach, Scars

To put it quite simply, 2007 was hell. That was the year I lost all control.


Well, here's what happened first. Not to gross out the men who are reading this, but I have to say this or everyone will be lost. On April 16, 2007, I had gotten my period, just like I was supposed to. But something was wrong. I was throwing up (and I usually don't throw up) and I was running a fever. Also, I had the worst pains in my stomach. Horrible, horrible pains. The type of pain that makes you want to crawl into your bed and never, ever, come out. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to lie in bed comfortably either. Every toss and turn just hurt more. Finally, my mother said "Let's go see the doctor"

The doctor told me to lie on my back, and she pressed down on my stomach. "Does this hurt?" she asked. Yes. Oh, yes. She thought about it for a minute. "Well, you could have pulled a muscle or something. Have you started excursing?" I had started my gym class, so yes. She decided to be safe and take a blood test. When she came back she said, "Your white blood cells are a little high. Kind of like they are trying to stop an infection. It might not be anything, but you should go to the hospital"

And my parents, both who are very protective, decided to follow her advice and take me to LIJ You want hell? Sit in an emergency room for five hours in pain. Or, and then try to get comfortable on gurneys and doctors look at you and basically say, "We have no idea what's wrong here"

At about 10:00 pm that Wednesday night, I was admitted into the hospital. At 6:00 am the next morning, two young doctors came in. "We have good news and bad news. Good news is, we found what the problem is. Bad news is it's an ovarian cyst and it needs to be taken out now"

My mom asked the big question first. "Is it cancer?"

"No," the doctor replied. Later, when I got home, I found out that 98% of ovarian cysts are noncancer, which was a relief.

So at 8:00 am, April, 19, 2007, I was prepared for surgery. It's mindblowing, actually, lying there, knowing two young doctors are going to look inside of you. It was weird also. I kept thinking of all the times I have seen people have surgery on television, and here I am, living it.

I don't remember much before the surgery. I remember my parents trying to make jokes, but I really wasn't in the mood to laugh. I remember a nurse telling me what was going to happen after. I remember another nurse coming in and saying, "I'm going to be your best friend. I'm giving you the drugs"

I remember laughing at that.

I remember being rolled down the long hallway, and entering a cold room. I also thought "Hmm, this looks like the surgery room in Scrubs"

It's amazing what comes to you at important moments.

I remember the doctor making some joke, and then, lights out. Next thing I knew, I saw my mother and father standing there saying, "Megan? Megan, are you alright?"

And I remember groaning and going back to sleep.

I remember waking up and not seeing my mother or my father. I remember a nurse came by and said that since I was awake, they were going to take me back to my room. I remember having to move from the gurney back to the bed, and being in pain. But a different pain. More like soreness than throbbing pain. I remember the nurse who treated me was named Susan, my aunt's name. The same aunt who died almost eight years ago.

I was released that Saturday, and I was so happy to be home that I actually cried. My grandma was still alive at that point, and I remember seeing her and her just crying and holding me.

You know, when you're in school, all you want to do is go home. But when you're stuck at home, all you want to do is go to school. It's crazy, I know, but about a week after my surgery, I was like "So, when I am going back?" to which my parents were both like "We'll see"

It was a little over two weeks before I went back. Believe me, I was so happy to be back.

I thought everything was going back to normal.

Until August 2007.

My grandmother had been complaining of intergestion for a while. We all thought it was for different reasons. When we were in Disney World, she was sitting a lot. She wasn't walking around like she did at home (my grandma lived with us. She lived on the first floor, while my family took the second and third), she was stressing herself out over this trip. It's nothing. Once we get home, things will get better.

We were home less than a week when my grandma asked if my parents could take her to the doctor. Once again, the doc saw something he didn't like and said "You should go to the hospital"
On August 6, she was admitted. I went to visit her with my parents, and she was talkative, but she just wanted to go home.

On August 13, my mother told me what she had known since that past Friday. "She's sick," she told me. "She has cancer"

The doctor's didn't know where it started. It was all over her lower intestines. "It was a miracle she was able to walk into the hospital" the doctor's said.

After that it just got worse. She became less talkative. She was getting paler and weaker. Finally she asked my mother not to bring me anymore. "I don't want Megan to remember me like this" she said. "Leave her home"

I saw her one last time on August 17. Her hair wasn't curly or blonde, like it always was. Instead it was white and sliked back. My cousins - who were expecting their first child - my mother, and I were sitting there. Right before I left, I kissed her on the cheek and said, "I love you Momma. And I miss you"

She held my hand and said, "I love you too. And I miss you"

She died September 7, a little before six in the morning. That was my first day of senior year.

2007 was an awful year for my family. I kept feeling like I was loosing control of everything. Everything was changing, and I couldn't stop it. Last year was a nightmare that I never want to relive again.

Mean - But True - Poem

Don't Show Them

Mean looks
Narrow eyes
Laughter behind a hand
A slight shake of the head
With a God awful grin
Why do the look that way?

Walking by
I see them
They treat me like I'm invisible
And I don't want to be
Until they talk
"Lose some weight" they say to each other

"God, she's so weird"
I look down
No eye contact
No acknowledgement of any kind
Keep walking
Don't look back
Don't show them they are stronger
Don't show them that they have won

Don't show them that they got to you
Don't show them that you want to cry
Don't show them that they are wicked
In every single way
Don't show them that they know
Your weakness

Just don't show them anything.

Perfectly Unperfect

"This is not some contest--just do your best, 'cause nobody's perfect!" - Shania Twain, What a Way to Wanna Be

What is the big deal at being perfect?

What does perfect mean anyway? That you're a size 2? That you have Jimmy Choos shoes? That your bag is a real Prada? That you're smart and popular with an awesome boyfriend?

Excuse me, but just because I'm an definitly not a size two, I have never even heard of Jimmy Choos until a couple of weeks ago, I would die if I had to pay $300 for a purse, and I never had a boyfriend, does that mean I am not perfect? Does being over a size 10 mean I have to get looked at? Does that mean I have to rediculed everywhere I go?

NO! No one is perfect! So why do maganizes have it that if your not a size two then you are just crazy? Being a size two is hard for some people, for a lot of different reasons. But that's not my point.

My point is this, why should I pretend to be prefect, because, in the end, someone isn't going to like the way I dress, or how I cut my hair. Why do we mold ourselves into someone else? Who the hell are we trying to impress?

So, I'm just going to say it. I am not perfect! I am far from it! I'm a dork, and I am proud. I love to read. I have almost every Billy Joel song on my MP3. My favorite actor is a 48-year-old man no one has ever heard of. One time, I stayed up till two in the morning to watch him in a television show. I love Wicked so much that I'm basically buying anything that has to with Wicked or the Wicked Witch. I have watched the movie Rent every night this week. I have exactly one best friend. I would rather spend time with my family than party. Actually, I hate partying. The music is always too loud and it's usually way too crowded. I have never been kissed. I never had a boyfriend. I am a hopeless romantic. I went to a Catholic elementary school, an all girls Catholic high school, and a Catholic college, and I'm Lutheren. I don't really pay attention to how my hair looks; sometimes I forget to brush it in the morning. I don't know if I'm positive I want to be a teacher. I may want to be something else. I love writing fanfiction. Though I'm a Mets fan, I find baseball to be boring. My favorite show is The West Wing and it's been off the air for two years. Plus, it's a show about politics, and I hate politics. I want to try new things, but I'm too afraid to leave my comfort zone. I want to be crazy and daring. I want to do things now, and worry about the consequences later.

I want to live.

Inspiration

"I'm keeping the faith" - Billy Joel, Keeping the Faith



Would You Be Proud?



Would you be proud
if you saw me today?
Would you kiss and hug me?
What would you say?

Would you say “I love you”
and tell me how much you miss me?
Or would you say, “You are giving up to soon!
There is so much you can be!”

I think you would be proud
of the woman I have grown into.
And if you whisper to me “I miss and love you”
I would have to reply “I miss and love you too”



My grandmother is my inspiration. She was an extraordinary woman, someone who had more faith in God than anyone I knew. Whenever I think I can't do something, or something is too hard, I think of my grandmother. She had a life that would be hard to imagine. Her husband died of cancer in 1968, so for almost 40 years she was a widow. About eight years ago, her daughter died of cancer. She had her ups and downs, and not once, not once, did she loose her faith in God. Until the day she died, every morning she would get out of bed and kneel down and thank Him for giving her another day.



She died last September of cancer. She was 87. I still think of her often, and I miss her so very much. She and I did a lot of things together; she took me on trips she would go on, or we would simply go to the grocery store together. I will never forget her.












This is us last year in Disney World. This picture was taken about a two months before she died.

My Favorite Things

"These are a few of my favorite things" - Julie Andrews, The Sound of Music

Wicked: The Musical: This is probably my favorite musical on Broadway right now. I have seen it twice and I would love to see it again. Basically - for those of you who don't know - it's the story of the Wicked Witch of the West and how she comes to be wicked. The questions the characters ask in the beginning of the show are "Are people born wicked? Or do they have wickness thrust upon them?" You learn through the show how she became "wicked," why Glinda is good, and how the Tin Man, Scarecrow, and the Cowardly Lion all came to be. This totally changed my opinion of The Wizard of Oz. Now I'm like "God, Elphaba [that's the Wicked Witch's name in the play] was so misunderstood and Dorothy is a bitch! She killed an innocent woman!" And the songs are amazing. If you don't get goosebumps down your arm when you see Defying Gravity live, you are crazy.

The Truth About Forever: This is by Sarah Dessen. This has to be my favorite book of all time. I adore this book. It's about this girl named Macy Queen who goes through a very dramatizing moment; she sees her father die of a heart attack. From that point on, she hates surprises, or even chaos. Everything must have it's own place. Everything must be perfect. That is, until she meets the Wish catering company. She has never met anyone who is more chaotic as these five people. But for some reason, she decides to help them and realizes life is a lot more fun when you step out of the box.

The Mediator: Twilight: This is my favorite book written by Meg Cabot, who is also my favorite author. I have loved this book since the moment I finished it. Something in it, the suspense of not knowing what is going to happen, then her totally defying logic. I just love it.

The picture with my father: I am a Daddy's Girl, through and through. My father has to be my favorite family member. I love my family, don't get me wrong. I speak highly of my brother and I adore my mother. But I can connect more to my father. We are kind of alike. We have patience for some things more then others and we both love Broadway shows. We both could kill an afternoon watching movies or reading a book. We both hate shopping. My father and I are quiter than my mother and brother. Where they are fighting their heads off, my dad and I stay quite and try not to draw attention to ourselves. But we can both fight when we think that we are right about something. (That picture was taken when I was 10. It was the closet picture I had on hand)

My MP3 player: I love music. I really do. I could listen to music for hours on end and not get tired of it. I love it because it's the one constant in my life. These past few years, so much had changed, but I always had music to fall back on. I listen to all kinds of music, from Bon Jovi and Billy Joel to Chris Brown and Jordin Sparks. It doesn't matter to me. Just as long as there is a good beat to it.

The picture with Bradley Whitford: Bradley Whitford is my favorite actor, and this past summer I met him. He was in a Broadway show (called Boeing Boeing that was too funny for words) and I met him at the stage door. He's best known for playing Joshua Lyman, the hard headed, but lovable Deputy Chief of Staff on NBC's The West Wing. That's where I first saw him. I liked him at first, but when he did an episode titled Noel, he became my favorite actor. I think one time NBC said he was one of the best unknown actors, and it's true. No one knows him, but he is excellent. He had me crying in an episode he did in ER and Touched by an Angel and I laughed until I cryed when I saw him in Boeing Boeing. I have seen him in many different things, but I will always know him at Josh Lyman.

The West Wing: This has been my favorite show for about six years now. My father started watching it when it first came on. I hated it (give me a break, I was 9 when it first came on). But then a couple of years later I started watching it with him, and I really started to like it. Now I loved it. It has been off the air for two years now, but it still remains my favorite show. I love it, mainly for the fact that when I watch it, I realize that sometimes the smartest people in the world still mess up, and it makes me feel better that they even get things wrong. In fact, they always had to fight hard for what they want. And that made me feel better. I was never the smartest kid on the block, but when I watched this, and realize "Hey, I know what a filbuster is, and no one else in my class does" I felt a lot smarter. Plus, this show is just down right hysterical. Season 2 is the best season.

A Walk to Remember: My favorite movie. God, I love this movie. Mainly because it deals with two big things that I love. Love and faith. Mandy Moore's character, Jamie, just had so much faith in this movie. And I was balling at the end. I still can't watch this without wanting to cry. It's beautiful, just beautiful.

Rent: This is also becoming one of my favorite movies. I think that I love this so much, partly because of the music, but mainly for the fact that these seven characters are down on their luck. They are poor, cold, and hungry and instead of just complaining about it for two and a half hours, they dance and sing about what they love about life. Which they tell in my favorite song from the movie, La Vie Boheme. Also, the characters fall in love. Now, they are down on their luck, and they still manage to fall in love. How is that possible?

The picture of Mackenzie: Mack is my second cousin, but I really don't pay attention to that second crap. I have loved Mackenzie since I found out my cousin was pregnant with her. She came at a dark time, and made my family realize that life goes on. She's almost one (her birthday is Oct. 14, thirteen days before mine!) and the last time I saw her she was just learning how to crawl. She has huge blue eyes and big cheeks that you just want to squeeze. She's our little angel.

Can I Mock Part Dos

"You Mock" - Janel Moloney, The Souler Opposite
(Again, not in a song, but it fits)

So, after I wrote the first "Can I Mock" people did some stupid things that deserve mocking. And so I am now going to show them the error of their ways.

On Saturday mornings I work at my elementary school as the greeter for the Murphy classes they hold there. (In case you don't know, Murphy classes are to help eighth graders prepare for the catholic school test they need to take.) It's amazing what people will say to you. Like, for instance, my father had to go across the street to ask someone something in the other building. As he's crossing the street, he sees two thirteen-year-old girls standing there, talking to someone in the car which is parked in the middle of the street. The person in the car - a woman - yells to my father "Can they go in the school?"

"No" my father replies. "The next session starts at 10:30 and it's only 10:15."

"So I have to stay here until 10:30!?" the woman shouts back.

Um, you could have let. And what's the big deal about waiting 15 minutes. An hour? Yeah, I understand that. No one wants to wait an hour, especially when they need to go somewhere. But 15 minutes? Come on.

And here's another one. My father and I are packing up when the doorbell rings. "Now, who can that be?" my dad says, since everyone left (including the teachers). My dad answers it and I hear him talking to someone, but I can't make it out. Then I hear the door close and my father comes back into the room I was standing in. He's chuckling to himself, which means someone just said something stupid.

"What happened?" I asked

"A father just came and asked if he could pay tution. If we weren't here, no one would answer the door! And he seemed surprise when I said he would have to come back on Monday, since schools are usually closed over the weekend"

Stupid people. What kind of world are we living in?

I bet it's because Bush is our President.

My Own Inside the Actor's Studio

"I got a lot to say to you; yeah, I got a lot to say" - Paramore, Crushcrushcrush

I have seen Inside the Actor's Studio for a few people. Mainly Billy Joel, Robin Williams, and the whole Simpson tribe. And James Lipton always asks those same questions near the end and I have always thought about what I would say. Well, our assignment is to answer those questions. So here we go.

1. What is your favorite word?
I would have to say love. To me, this word means so much. There are two types of love: 1) the type of family love and 2) the type you feel for someone that scares the living daylights out of you. Love is also a very powerful thing. It's not something to be taken lightly.

2. What is your least favorite word?
I don't know. Probably hate. It's a powerful word, and it can hurt so many people.

3. What turns you on, excites, or inspires you creatively, spiritually, or emotionally?
Seeing beautiful things. Like the sunset, or seeing a baby. Things like that.

4. What turns you off?
People acting stupid on purpose.

5. What sound or noise do you love?
Laughter. Especially children's.

6. What sound or noise do you hate?
Crying.

7. What is your favorite curse word?
God damn, son of a bitch.

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Hmmm. I think everyone pretty much knows that I would like to become an actress. I don't know why, though. Something about it excites me. Maybe 'cause you get to play someone your not. You can do crazy things, and no one would say anything, 'cause it's just a movie or television show.

9. What profession would you absolutely not like to particiate in?
Garbage collecting. Oh, that just sounds and looks horrible.

10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
"You're grandma is waiting for you over there"

Can I Mock?

"I wanna mock people," - Bradley Whitford, The West Wing
(I know that's not from a song, but it fits, so shut up)

Have you noticed how stupid people are getting? Both my parents are teachers, and I have to say that between the students and the parents, it's actually the parents that are idiots. I love that one quote from Homer Simpson. "Your child maybe an honor student, but you're a moron!" It's so true.

Like, for instance, my mother had an orentation for her Pre-K class. She talked about all different topics, like where the children will meet everyday, where they will play, what they will learn, and where they will eat lunch. Now, the answer to last question is in the classroom. However, the parents got a letter in their packet about how your child should act in the lunch room. My mother simply said to throw that away; it's useless, she doesn't even know why it was with everything else. Don't you know that at least three different parents ask what they should do with the paper on how to act in the lunch room?

Oh, and let's try this. My mother also said (about 10 ten times) that school for the three and four-year-olds will start on Monday, September 8. Don't you know that parents came with their child on Friday, September 5? I swear, people are becoming more and more like my grandmother; they only want to hear what they want to hear. Everything else? Nope.

And this is my personal favorite; when the teacher says something like "Okay, turn to page 10" and you have not one, not two, but three different people ask "What page?" Okay, you know those things on the side of your head? They are called ears! Try using them.

That's all I can think of for now.

More later.

I Always Liked Tina Fey

I will admit that I am not a politicial junkie. My favorite show might be about politics, but I actually find it boring. But this campaign between Obama and McCain is really something. And, while I don't have my television on CNN, I do hear about some politicial issues. Like Tina Fey dressing up as Sarah Palin and making her look like an idiot on SNL. Oh, Tina Fey you are AWESOME!!!

Because of copyright issues, YouTube can't have the skit on it's site. But I found another site that has the whole thing, and a transcript. So, click here to see Tina Fey and Amy Poehler make Sarah Palin look like an idiot ("I can see Russia from my backyard!") and Hiliary Clinton look wonderful ("I believe that diplomacy should be the cornerstone of any foreign policy.").

Thank you so much SNL!!!

So Cool...Yet Weird

"I know sometimes it's hard for you to see. You're caught between just who you are and who you wanna be" - Jon Bon Jovi, Welcome to Wherever You Are

So I just took this quiz that is supposed to show you who you really are. And it's kind of freaky, 'cause it really describes me. Freaky.

Just click here

Getting Killed By Mosquitoes on Beach Day

"Watching the waves roll off the rocks," - Kid Rock, All Summer Long

On Wednesday, the Whitman class went to the beach. To say it was beautiful is a massive understatment. It was so nice and warm that I got a slight tan. Although you wouldn't be able to tell with the the mosquitoe bits I got. But more on that later.

So we had to enjoy a tough day at the beach. I knew that we were the sudden envy of everyone in the school. Below are some pictures from that day.

The water was so cool, which felt nice since the sun was very hot.

I am controlling the water!!!

A dead jellyfish came onto the sand, and Julie decided she wanted to pretend that she was getting angry at it.

It would be nice to go back to that day.

Except for the bug bites I now have to endure. This is the worst of them all (and by all, I mean 15)

Five More Minutes

"Rise and shine. Rub the sleep out of my eyes and try to tell myself I can’t go back to bed" - Phantom Planet, Lonely Day

We have to write a poem talking about something boring and make it interesting. My topic isn't exactly boring...it's more like automatic. But, for me, this is true. Enjoy.

Five More Minutes

I take the covers and pull them up.

Oh what I would give for five more minutes.

My bed is calling for me

"Come sleep," it says.

I straighten the sheets, while ignoring the cries,

"Sleep, just for five more minutes"

I turn away.

Since that is all I want to do.

Who wakes up this early?

Damn school.

My bed calls me,
"I know you want to sleep," it says

"Sleep, just for five more minutes"

I have to get up.

I have to get get going.

I have to get dressed so I don't miss the train.

But my bed is so comfy, as I place the pillow on.

I look at the clock.

I'll sleep.

Just for five more mintues.

I am so not a morning person.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

"Well we all have a face, that we hide away forever. And we take them out and show ourselves when everyone has gone," - Billy Joel, The Stranger

I am a perfectionist. If something doesn't look right to me, I have to change it or it bugs me. It eats at me, until I make it perfect. One of the toughest things I can do is purposely make mistakes. Making mistakes means you are letting someone down. Maybe a teacher, classmate, friend, family member, or even yourself. And the one thing I hate to do is disappoint people. So, I try to be what they want. I try to be perfect.

I know you can't be perfect and not everyone will like you, even if you try your hardest. I know. But I can't help it. I can't let someone see my weak point. Showing someone my weak point is showing them were to hurt me when I'm vulnerable. And that just not good.

And I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to be crazy and daring. I want to do things because I want to do them. I don't want to care about what other people will think. I just want to do something and feel bad about it later.

I have a face that I show everyone. It's the calm and collective face. It's like if I show people that I'm okay, everything is okay. But I'm not okay. There are times I want to scream bloody murder and there are times I just want to hide under my covers. There are times when I feel like a totally dork and I wonder if anyone knows that I keep talking because I don't know what they want to hear. I'm sick of it. This is one of those moments that I want to scream bloody murder! Right now. I want to scream because I want to.

But my mask. For now, I'll take it off and show who I am. Below are pictures that we had to take for the Whitman class. I don't care if you like them. I think there are cool, so here they are, whether you like them or not.

The window shot.

I hate my nose. I think it looks so bad from the side.

My "mug" shot.

My hand shot

My hiden shot

And finally, the bathroom shot. This was actually really funny, since women kept on coming in. They gave Julie and me some funny looks. One even said, "I'm not going to ask" LOL

The Freaky Side of Me

"To going against the grain, going insane, going mad" - Anthony Rapp, Rent

I have been raised with a Catholic school education all my life (and I'm Lutheran. Go figure) so I was never raised to express my "freaky" side. I was always told there is one way to do something, and it's this way. I have been able to express myself through art, but I was always told there are restrictions. You can't go too far. Someone will always say something, and not in a good way.

But a couple of years ago, I took a leap. I started writing fanfiction for the show The West Wing. I even posted it on the interent. I was fourteen when I started, and people wrote to me and told me how my writing was beautiful and that I got the character's voices down pat. To say I was thrilled is a understatment. I'm still writing, since I always get very proud of my work. I might even have another blog just for my stories. Hmmm. Something to think about.

Now, what makes me freaky? That's hard to answer, since I don't usually like to say how I'm different. I'm so used to trying to blend in, I forgot how to stand out. I'm so scared that people will laugh and make fun (it's happened before). I don't want to go through that. I can't stand when people laugh at me, not with me. But in this course, I have to ignore them. I also have to ignore that little voice in my head that says "People won't like this. Who are you trying to fool?"

So what makes me a freak? Well, there is the fact that I can read a book in less than a day (my friends were always amazed by that). Some people would say I'm a freak since I always do my work (it's true. In high school, people thought I was a genius. I just did my work and paid attention. Not the hardest thing in the world to do).

Also I love to reenact scenes from movies and television shows. Ever since I was a little girl, I would watch a movie over and over again, and then play out the scene in my living room. I would remember what the characters said and then say them the same exact way. I still do that today. I don't, necessarily, play it out in my living room (I prefer my bedroom. Much more private) but I can resite scenes from television shows. Scenes from The West Wing? Yep. I also can tell you what episode they said a certain line and sometimes what act what it was in.

Like, for instance, one of my favorite quotes is when my favorite character, Josh, said to a Senator, "Senator, why don't you take the legislative agenda and shove it up your ass?" I can tell you, without looking it up, that that line was in Season 1, episode Mandatory Minimums, teaser.

I'm pretty sure that I have a photographic memory. Not unusual, but I remember the weirdest things. Like, today, Mike was wearing a purple shirt with tan pants. The computer teacher was wearing a flowered skirt and sandles. I remember what I wore when I saw Wicked eight months ago. I can remember the shoe size of an actor that I no longer like (don't ask me how I know his shoe size). It also comes in handy, since I can also remember people's names and faces. By next week, I should have everyone's name down.

I don't know if what I consider weird really is weird. But many people have told me that knowing every scene from The West Wing is just not normal (but it's a really good show!). I think the reason I can recite movies and television shows is because I secretly want to become an actress. I love performing; I love that thrill of excitment you get right before you perform. I enjoy speaking in front of people. I love making people laugh. My secret wish is to perform on stage, somewhere.

Here's to hoping that dreams come true.

Close Connections

"I know I'm who I am today
because I knew you" - Kirsten Chenoweth and Idina Menzel, Wicked

Like I have said before, I have known my best friend since I was two. That means I have known her family for a very long time. I there there when her sister was born, and I definitly remember when her little brother was born.

I'm going to say this now and get it over with. My best friend's name is Mercan. It's pronounced MER-JOHN. In Turkish (and they are Turkish) John is spelled Can. Yes, it's a little odd, but their names are unique, which fits since they truly are unique. All of them. Her sister's name is Nurcan (pronounced NU-JOHN) and their brother's name is Ozcan (pronounced ORZ-JOHN).

First: Ozcan

Ozcan is four turning five. But if you ask him, he's five now and has been for a while. I call him a monster, but he really is one of the most well behaved boys I have ever seen (and I work with children). He loves to play outside. He likes to play on his scooter, but prefers riding his bike. He just got off training wheels, and he loves to show us how fast he can go (but we don't want him to fall, so we tell him to slow down). He plays with some of the kids on our block, but he's the nicest of them all. He really likes to clean. Whenever he comes to my house, I have to hide the vaccum, since we don't want him playing with it. He also likes watching television. Not just Spongebob and Fairly Oddparents, but also Mythbusters. Heck, he got me hooked on Mythbusters. He also likes Jon and Kate, Plus 8. He usually comes to me when he wants something, since I sometimes give in. Watching him is never really a problem, since he wouldn't mind just watching television; that is until he sees one of his friends outside. He's my little brother and I love him dearly.

Second: Nurcan

Nurcan and I have always had a odd relationship. See, we are both stubborn and I have gotten into more fights with her then with her older sister. But, that was years ago, and I can't really remember the last time we had a good fight. We mainly talk while Ozcan is playing and Mercan is doing something else. She tells me about what's going on in school, and I tell her what my friends said, or what classes I'm taking. She starting to love vampires, so she watches Moonlight and reads any book that how vampires as a main idea. So, of course, she read Twilight. In fact, she got me hooked on it. By the way, in case you are wondering, she's a freshman in high school.

And finally: Mercan

To tell you the truth, I can't remembering meeting Mercan. If you ask my mom, she would tell you the story. She would tell you that she remembers seeing Mercan the day we moved in. She was on the porch, sitting on her grandmother's lap (did I forget to mention they are also my neighbors? Well, they are). I - only having been two at the time - have no memory of this. However, I cannot imgine my life without Mercan in it. She is my other half. Where I'm shy, she's outgoing. Where I hide what I'm feeling, she lets people know she's angry at them. Where I hold on, she lets go and enjoys the ride. I often wish I was more like her. I have always been afraid of what people would think if I said something or did something. Mercan doesn't care - or if she does, she doesn't show that she does. She does what she wants. And I envy that.

Mercan and I have been best friends for so long now, I don't know what I would do without her. She's my shoulder to cry on and she's my first call if something cool happens. Whenever I hear something funny, I always think "I have to remember to tell Mercan that. She would enjoy that." I wouldn't be half of the person I am if I didn't have her with me. We have been through so much together; so many ups and downs. I don't know if all friendships could go through what we have gone through. It shows that our friendship is so much more than others.

There's a quote, that when I hear it, I think of Mercan and I. It's "A best friend is a sister destiny forgot to give you" Mercan has long ago past being my best friend. She will forever be my sister.

These three are my family. We may not be blood, but I love them like they are my family.

And here are some random shots I took for the hell of it:

Mercan with her turtle, Charles Charlotte, the Third.

No, she is not actually licking the turtle. At least, I hope not.

Sisterly love.

Who I Am

"It's all about me!" - Idina Menzel, Planet Z

Since I have to do this for Mike (hi Mike!), I'm going to write the basic things about myself.

My name is Megan and I'm from Queens, New York. I have lived in New York all my life, but I can count on my fingers how many times I have actually been into the city. Shame, really, since I want to see all the big highlights. I have, however, been to the Statue of Liberty and walked the Brooklyn Bridge, among a few other things. Can't wait to see what we will do in this program.

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to become a teacher. I love working with children, so I decided I want to teach young. I work at my elementary school as an aide to the Pre-K teacher (who happens to be my mother) and at the after-school program at the same place.

I also want to write one book. Doesn't have to be a great success like Harry Potter or Twilight. I do, however, want to write one teenage love story. I started writing it, but I don't know if I will ever finish. I hope I do.

I have a small family, and I love it that way. Basically it's my parents, my older brother, Ryan, and my cousins Shannon and Shawn. Also Shawn's wife, Mandy, and their baby daughter Mackenzie (or as I call her, Mack). I am considerably closer to my mom's side of the family then my dad's. Basically for the reason that my dad's family lives in Indiana and my mom's relative's live in Pennsylvania. I never really have met my dad's side of the family.

I am a shy person, but when you get to know me, you see that I actually like to be the center of attention. My parents have always told me that I have wanted to be an actress, since I liked the idea of everyone watching me. When I was a child, I would sing and dance in front of anyone; my parents, family, classmates, whoever. But as I got older, I lost the innocense of caring who was watching me. So I somewhat stopped being outgoing. Once in a while, I will volunteer to do something, but not half as much as I did when I was a little girl.

That's all I can think of for now.

More later.

The Calm Before the Storm

"There's a storm front coming" - Billy Joel, Storm Front

In the Whitman's Creative Program today, we had to write poems about the the weather today, since we are supposed to get horrible storms tomorrow. Now, I hate writing poems, but since we had to post ours, here it is. It's a piece of shit, but it's the best I can do.

The Calm Before the Storm
The clouds move across the sky,
like a cheetah against the ground.
The wind is blowing softly in my hair.
How could it pour tomorrow,
since today is so beautiful?
Could this be nothing?
Or could this be the calm before the storm?

Little Tidbits About Me

"Take me for who I am" - Idina Menzel, Rent

I'm Megan. Why do we always start with the basic of information? Is it because the less we say the less people know? Or is it because we just don't want people to judge us? I have decided that right off the bat, I'm going to skip the basic stuff and go into more details.

My favorite show is The West Wing. I have loved that show for about six years now. One little tidbit about me would be that I write stories for this show. These stories are called fanfiction and basically I write stories about my favorite characters, Josh and Donna. I love writing fanfiction. As of right now, I have written about 10 different stories, based on these two characters. They are basically love stories, which are my favorite, since I am a romantic.

Also, I actually met the guy who played Josh on The West Wing (His name is Bradley Whitford). It was an amazing experience and I was so happy that he was such a nice guy.

My all time favorite movie is A Walk to Remember. I don't know anyone would can watch that movie and not cry. It's such a good movie.

I love the Broadway show Wicked. I have seen it twice already, and I wouldn't mind seeing it again. It's because of that musical that my favorite song is Defying Gravity since in the show, the "Wicked Witch" flies right on stage. I remember getting goosebumps when I saw her go up and up. I believe that I could watch that scene repeatedly and not get tired of it.

I have known my best friend since I was almost two. She and I have basically done everything together. I wouldn't know what I would do if I didn't know she was right by my side. Over the years, she has become more than my best friend; she's my sister. I love her to death.

I have decided that I'm going to write some lyrics from songs at the beginning of each blog. Well, I'll try to do it. Then I will somehow use that quote somehow in the blog. Like I used Idina Menzel's quote from the song Take Me or Leave Me from the musical Rent.

This should be interesting.

Ongoing Assessment